An Open Letter To My Tummy « All Black Everything…For Stylish Black Moms!

An Open Letter To My Tummy

As I write this, it’s dawning on me, we’ve been through a lot together. Damn homey!! I took you for granted back in college. Even as I watched you grow, I never thought we’d be where we are today. At this crossroads. I took up for you sooo many times, it’s ridiculous. It’s like I thought you could do no wrong. I remember when I found out I was pregnant with our first kid, I worried so much about what the pregnancy would do to you. We had worked so hard to get you great and right at that moment where I was happy with your look, I noticed something else was missing and there we had it, our first baby. At my first post-pregnancy appointment, I almost attacked the doctor when he said you had suffered quite a bit of trauma from the way I carried Kayden. When he said you wouldn’t bounce back to your original form, I went off. I didn’t want him to talk about you in that way. He didn’t know you like I knew you. Even then, I shielded you from the truth. I wasn’t very good to you. I didn’t give you the treatment you needed to make that recovery I knew you were so capable of making. Instead I enabled you to grow even bigger. Rather than get you the help I knew you needed, I got pregnant again, twice!!! Who does that??

The news only got worse after that. Umbilical hernias. Diastasis. Surgery. All these things I overheard doctors mention when they looked at you but I blew them off. You’d be back. But you never really quite got there. I still loved you. I really miss you.

Lately, I’ve been seeing people post stories about their own relationship with their bellies. This picture was most touching.

I think I felt this way about you once and then I realized I was doing that enabling thing again. That’s not you. That’s not being fair to you. I love what you’ve done for me but I’m not happy with what you’ve become. And don’t look at me that way. I know it wasn’t all you but someone has to put their foot down. I can’t keep allowing you to deteriorate. We are no good for each other. So it must end.

We both heard them. No amount of exercise would fix the muscles. We went to three different doctors for crying out loud! Each time, I thought I would hear something different. I held you close and secretly prayed I would hear something different. There’s no one to blame. Let’s just agree that something has to be done and keep our goodbyes to a minimum. I love you. My kids love you. Although I haven’t asked, I’m pretty sure hubby has grown quite attached to you too. I promise to remember you with fondness. When I speak of you going forward, it will be with kindness. After all, you’ve been with me for as far back as I can remember. You kept my kids safe and warm while I was busy making sure everything was together and in place for their arrival. You didn’t even charge me rent!!-I’m getting teary eyed now. Here’s to us. Nothing but good times. I’ll miss you but you and I both know it’s for the best. I’ve outgrown you. You’ve really outgrown me. Really. I can’t lie and say I’ll check in on you but trust me when I say I will never forget you. Smooches.